‘Stop talking with your mouth. Smile with your mouth’ (and more things I said during Father’s Day photos)

Ah, June. Where skies are clear (lol) and evenings are lazy (wut) and summer feels like it's really here (OH STOP). And I will be found somewhere indoors or out, flinging sweets at two small boys and trying to make them smile simultaneously for a photo. Who was it who liked to believe six impossible … Continue reading ‘Stop talking with your mouth. Smile with your mouth’ (and more things I said during Father’s Day photos)

Angry mummy: everything’s not lost

This is the third post I've written about trying not to be a short-fuse parent. Here are numbers one and two. It's, um, an ongoing series.  You haven't lost if you start to laugh halfway through the telling-off. ('Lost'? Setting boundaries isn't a wrestling match between you and your toddler, self.) This is what I … Continue reading Angry mummy: everything’s not lost

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to tell you this: it’s going to get better

If you are really struggling with tiny ones right now, please know this. I know you spend all your time wearing your children's snot and developing weird, Stockholm Syndrome crushes on Andy from CBeebies. I know that going to the supermarket feels like pushing a ticking bomb that will explode the first time you refuse … Continue reading We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to tell you this: it’s going to get better

Flying with toddlers: your insanity-proof guide

We've just got back from San Francisco, Oregon and Utah. It was magnificent. Do you know what these boys were most excited about? The flipping aeroplane. Them, not us, because putting small children in a seat and telling them to stay there for ten hours is Asking For Trouble. Ted can't stay still for the … Continue reading Flying with toddlers: your insanity-proof guide

Anyone who says their two-year-old wasn’t a tiny insane tyrant is lying

Dear toddler parent hanging on by skin of teeth: Anyone who says their two-year-old wasn't a tiny insane tyrant is lying. Let me say that again. ANYONE WHO SAYS THEIR TWO-YEAR-OLD WASN'T A TINY INSANE TYRANT IS LYING. Alright, toddler parent, just let me put you on hold while I talk to whoever's now offended. … Continue reading Anyone who says their two-year-old wasn’t a tiny insane tyrant is lying

To the brand-new mother of two: embrace the chaos. Feel excellent about your pyjamas. This is all going to be fine.

To the brand-new mother of two, Hello! Are you up and about today? Does your head feel like it's above water? It's ok if not. It's ok if not. Listen, you probably don't know which end is up at the minute. You are used to being one half of a double act with your first … Continue reading To the brand-new mother of two: embrace the chaos. Feel excellent about your pyjamas. This is all going to be fine.

Ooh, October, you’re looking well

I have given myself a towering challenge this evening. Well, two. One is to get rid of today's lone nappies lurking in our house without gagging. I will track each powerful stench to its source like a veritable crap-hound, and throw them into the bin where they belong. The other is to write a blog … Continue reading Ooh, October, you’re looking well

Notes from the trenches: 7

'You'll miss this when it's gone!' people tell me. I like to remember this when I'm watching the slow seep of faeces under my fingernails, or engaged in a full-body wrestle with a boy and a supermarket trolley ('Bend your legs. BEND THEM. BEND. YOUR. LEGS'). Then I do a hollow laugh, likely as not. … Continue reading Notes from the trenches: 7

Angry mummy: hills to die on

This is the second post I've written about trying not to be a short-fuse parent. The first one is here. Let's face it, there will probably be more.  We will be glad about the two-year age gap between our boys when they're older and the best of friends. This is what I weep into my … Continue reading Angry mummy: hills to die on