I can’t write anything about potty-training you haven’t heard before

I mean, let's be real. I am teaching a small human to direct his waste into a pot instead of in his own clothing. Isn't it weird that this is a skill everyone you know had to learn? And somehow we need to pass it on to our children even though by now we've totally … Continue reading I can’t write anything about potty-training you haven’t heard before

Inappropriate places I have peed in: a four-year-old’s guide to raising mum’s blood pressure

Every mother has their weak spot. Something about living with and caring for small children that makes them certifiable, out of all proportion to the offence. This is mine: pee. The waft of gently warmed underwear dribble. The need to find and queue for and visit public toilets, everywhere, every flipping day. I would burn … Continue reading Inappropriate places I have peed in: a four-year-old’s guide to raising mum’s blood pressure

The big mistake I made with potty training

WARNING: much talk of bodily waste. I would rather fall into a pile of cow manure than potty train a toddler. I don't know why I have such strong feelings about it. I daily do unspeakable things with sick and snot and exploding nappies, but none of it perturbs me like the potty. It's just … Continue reading The big mistake I made with potty training

Newsflash: it’s not about me

Remind me not to invite this Wednesday to my next party. This Wednesday was the sort of party pooper that sits in the corner breaking stuff, throwing olives at the other guests and laughing too loudly and too close to your face. This Wednesday needed to be sedated, so I sedated it good and proper … Continue reading Newsflash: it’s not about me