Tag Archives: Outtakes

Reasons why none of us are professional models

Happy (800x571)

If I’ve learned anything in my time as a parent, it is this: you should be prepared to spend literally years smelling faintly of someone else’s urine. ALRIGHT SOMETIMES IT’S YOURS.

No, not that. It’s this: if you want to capture toddlers on camera, particularly if you want them to hold something, most especially if that something needs to be clearly visible, you better be prepared for hair-tearing and bribery and ignominious failure.

The boys are too young – and, let’s face it, too uninterested – to be constructing Fathers’ Day cards of their own. So we do photo cards. This year I had the idea to make them hold up all the letters in ‘Happy Fathers’ Day’ and put them together in a collage. It was a tiny bit ambitious (read: foolishly insane), but I’ve had enough practice failing to make toddlers hold signs and smile simultaneously, and I thought the signs were the easier of the two.

I prepared so carefully this time. I spent days getting Henry excited about pulling funny faces for Daddy’s card, hauled a stool and a tripod out into the woods to minimise escapes, and called in at a shop beforehand for a massive bag of sweets. Sugar bribery will get you anything with this crowd.

Oh, except holding a sign.

Outtakes (732x1024)

Notice the full mouth? Bribery sweets in abundance.

Eventually T refused to hold anything at all, even for sweeties, so H had to step in for him. He’s pretty sugar glazed by this point too. Dozy look present and correct.

SAM_1869 (800x640)

H was the big surprise, actually. He enjoyed himself thoroughly, and pulled the best faces. OMGOSH, do children actually get to a point where they…understand and follow instructions?! Be still my heart.

Outtakes1 (732x1024)

One more reminder of why getting them in a photo together is nigh-on impossible:

SAM_1877 (800x641)

Good try, guys. We got there in the end.

Spares (800x571)

‘I do like your belly, but not right now’: some things I said during Father’s Day photos

‘If you sit still and smile for daddy’s photographs, you can have some of daddy’s chocolate.

Do you need a shark for photographs? Ok, alright, hold your shark.

No, not in front of your face. I need to see your face, not your shark.’


‘Teddy, can you sit back? Teddy. Teddy. Sit back, darling. Sit back sit back sit back. No, Henry, don’t you sit forward now. Both of you need to sit back.’


‘Teds, not the curtains, please. Hen, it’s not funny. You want to sit over on that side? Oh, ok. No, don’t you play with the curtains either. Daddy doesn’t want to see you playing with curtains. I can’t take a photo of you playing with curtains.’


‘LOOK AT MEEEEEE!’ *dances like an idiot. Henry, unresponsive, slowly puts shark on head*


Teddy. Sit up. Come on, bear. Don’t sit on your brother, please.’


‘Put your belly away! Yes, I do like your belly, but not right now. It’s a lovely belly. Put. It. Away. Thank you.’


‘Teddeeeeee. Stop hitting your brother, please. TEDS. WATCH SOPHIE AND STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER.’


Winner winner chicken dinner. Sort of. Both boys are looking, and only one boy is slightly out of focus. Pee Ess, guys, this is why we’ve never had family portraits done.




Merry bloomin’ Christmas!

Welcome to the busiest day of the year! And GREAT SCOTT am I enjoying the fact that Teddy woke up every two hours last night. After a month of six-hour sleeps. This is the sort of exquisite timing that leads to me stuffing handfuls of Milky Bar buttons in my mouth while showering, and thinking that Kermit’s song in The Muppet Christmas Carol might actually hold the key to a happy life.

Before I sign off for a few days, I thought you might want to see our attempts at a Christmas photo. This is one of these traditions that I think we’ll love to look over in years to come, but for now, well…it doesn’t make for a peaceful afternoon. Picture us all in clothes we’re only allowed to wear for ten minutes because I need to pack them, stemming projectile sick from No. 2, keeping No. 1 in place with a Pingu episode just out of frame and yelling ‘Saaaaaay chocolate! SAY CHOCOLATE! SAY IT! AND SMILE!’

In the end we went for one where three out of four of us were smiling, because that was the best option by a really long shot. Ah, babies.

Even Teds is no match for the power of the Pingu.

The One Where Pingu Was Weirder Than Usual.

The talking-to.

The One With The Talking-To.

The escape.

The One With The Escape.

The Foreheads of Desperation.

The One With The Foreheads of Desperation.



The Winner, With Apologies to Teddy.

The Winner, With Apologies to Teddy.

Seasons greetings, etc. I’m off to pack a suitcase. See you on the other side!


I know you wish your kid was as good at posing for photographs as mine. Let’s take a look at some of his best attempts at a Father’s Day card.

hey, will you hold this sign?


(Doggy has already lost the will to live. Sarah and I shortly to follow.)




I accept your humorous face with reluctance. Let’s move on.


aaaand, we’re done.


I’ll sit down when I’ve finished my phone call. Do I disturb you while you’re working?


fly, you fools.


there’s something on your face. No, honestly. 


Here’s what we went with in the end. He’s on the phone with a pocket calculator, but needs must.


We also made an attempt at a Father’s Day video for Tim’s dad. These were the bits that didn’t make the final edit, oddly enough.

Outtakes for Father’s Day from Rachel Jeffcoat on Vimeo.

And PS!

I’m writing today on Oh! you pretty things for Josie’s Mothers on Motherhood series, and excited as heck about it. Have a look!

%d bloggers like this: