‘I do like your belly, but not right now': some things I said during Father’s Day photos

‘If you sit still and smile for daddy’s photographs, you can have some of daddy’s chocolate.

Do you need a shark for photographs? Ok, alright, hold your shark.

No, not in front of your face. I need to see your face, not your shark.’

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‘Teddy, can you sit back? Teddy. Teddy. Sit back, darling. Sit back sit back sit back. No, Henry, don’t you sit forward now. Both of you need to sit back.’

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‘Teds, not the curtains, please. Hen, it’s not funny. You want to sit over on that side? Oh, ok. No, don’t you play with the curtains either. Daddy doesn’t want to see you playing with curtains. I can’t take a photo of you playing with curtains.’

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‘LOOK AT MEEEEEE!’ *dances like an idiot. Henry, unresponsive, slowly puts shark on head*

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Teddy. Sit up. Come on, bear. Don’t sit on your brother, please.’

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‘Put your belly away! Yes, I do like your belly, but not right now. It’s a lovely belly. Put. It. Away. Thank you.’

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‘Teddeeeeee. Stop hitting your brother, please. TEDS. WATCH SOPHIE AND STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER.’

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Winner winner chicken dinner. Sort of. Both boys are looking, and only one boy is slightly out of focus. Pee Ess, guys, this is why we’ve never had family portraits done.

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Merry bloomin’ Christmas!

Welcome to the busiest day of the year! And GREAT SCOTT am I enjoying the fact that Teddy woke up every two hours last night. After a month of six-hour sleeps. This is the sort of exquisite timing that leads to me stuffing handfuls of Milky Bar buttons in my mouth while showering, and thinking that Kermit’s song in The Muppet Christmas Carol might actually hold the key to a happy life.

Before I sign off for a few days, I thought you might want to see our attempts at a Christmas photo. This is one of these traditions that I think we’ll love to look over in years to come, but for now, well…it doesn’t make for a peaceful afternoon. Picture us all in clothes we’re only allowed to wear for ten minutes because I need to pack them, stemming projectile sick from No. 2, keeping No. 1 in place with a Pingu episode just out of frame and yelling ‘Saaaaaay chocolate! SAY CHOCOLATE! SAY IT! AND SMILE!’

In the end we went for one where three out of four of us were smiling, because that was the best option by a really long shot. Ah, babies.

Even Teds is no match for the power of the Pingu.

The One Where Pingu Was Weirder Than Usual.

The talking-to.

The One With The Talking-To.

The escape.

The One With The Escape.

The Foreheads of Desperation.

The One With The Foreheads of Desperation.

The SO FLIPPING CLOSE.

The One That Was SO FLIPPING CLOSE.

The Winner, With Apologies to Teddy.

The Winner, With Apologies to Teddy.

Seasons greetings, etc. I’m off to pack a suitcase. See you on the other side!

Outtakes

I know you wish your kid was as good at posing for photographs as mine. Let’s take a look at some of his best attempts at a Father’s Day card.

hey, will you hold this sign?

no.

(Doggy has already lost the will to live. Sarah and I shortly to follow.)

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HATE THIS CHAIR AND THIS SIGN AND ALL OF THIS.

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I accept your humorous face with reluctance. Let’s move on.

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aaaand, we’re done.

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I’ll sit down when I’ve finished my phone call. Do I disturb you while you’re working?

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fly, you fools.

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there’s something on your face. No, honestly. 

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Here’s what we went with in the end. He’s on the phone with a pocket calculator, but needs must.

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We also made an attempt at a Father’s Day video for Tim’s dad. These were the bits that didn’t make the final edit, oddly enough.

Outtakes for Father’s Day from Rachel Jeffcoat on Vimeo.

And PS!

I’m writing today on Oh! you pretty things for Josie’s Mothers on Motherhood series, and excited as heck about it. Have a look!