Tag Archives: Ok But I Spend A Lot Of Time Thinking About This

My Fringe Does Not Look Like Other People’s Fringes

Photo 12-02-2016, 1 13 08 pm (800x800)

middle-right taken this morning, for context

Because I went for a half-fringe first and my hair got confused

Because I have naturally fluffy hair (I will not dignify it with the classification ‘wavy’ or ‘curly’, because it is neither) and cutting fluff into shorter fluff above one’s face is not, objectively, a good idea

Because I wrestle it into submission using scalding-hot air every morning and people/fringes just can’t be kept in chains

Because I forgot to offer the correct blood sacrifice that first time at the hairdressers

Because walking in a light breeze makes it rise up and then up again, parting down the middle and floating proudly down the sides of my head like the waves parting before a noble ship at sea. And I spend a lot of time in, at minimum, light breezes

Because my eyebrows are so luxuriantly untamed they keep giving the fringe static shocks, so now they just avoid each other out of awkwardness

Because I refused to hand over my first-born to the witch who asked, so she wouldn’t teach me about fringe-lore

Because I wake up every morning looking like my forehead vomited in the night

Because I went on holiday just after having it done for the first time and it was absolutely perfect every day, and after this I displeased the gods on Mount Olympus

Because aliens

Because I have a cow-lick. At the front. Did I mention that?

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