Short notes from the thick of it: 3

Dear Timothy, When you get home, we will be playing your second-favourite game ever. It is called 'guess how many vests Henry has soiled with watery effluent today'. You will be surprised. Sincerely, Can You Feed a Baby Imodium Plus and If Not Why Not.


What a ground-breaking Monday this is turning out to be. Perhaps I only need say the word 'poomaggeddon', and it will be unnecessary to provide any more information on how I spent my morning. Or perhaps this will suffice: Me: *nappychangenappychange* Oh. There's the avocado. Henry: *peealloverownface* Me: Hahaha. Oh, brilliant. Chortles. You silly - … Continue reading Ch-ch-ch-changes


Dearest firstborn son, Thank you SO much for coating your entire bottom half in hellish-smelling, khaki-coloured poop, exactly three-and-a-half minutes before we had to leave the house to catch Daddy's train. It took the combined efforts of two adults and thirty baby wipes before you were clean enough for the car seat. The bit where … Continue reading Timing

An Hour in the Life Of

Vomitrocious Henry has been fed, bathed and is already on his third vest of the day. He has bad wind, poor love. I take him downstairs and change his horrid mustardy nappy, then feed him. I rest him on my legs to rearrange my t-shirt, and he throws up all over himself, my legs and … Continue reading An Hour in the Life Of

Parent of the Year

Me: So, do you think Henry might enjoy riding this wooden rabbit? Mum: I don't know. Shall we see? He did not. Otherwise, though, Henry's first exposure to Proper Culture at Basildon Park this afternoon went swimmingly. Pushchairs weren't allowed in the mansion itself, but he slept quite happily in my arms during the tour, … Continue reading Parent of the Year

Not Really Our Finest Hour

What're you doing for Bank Holiday Monday? Here, we're mostly peeing into our own mouth. It was quite a milestone. But we didn't enjoy it much.

New Things

Week One with a newborn is over. We have survived. Our heads are bloody, but unbowed, etc, etc. Want to know the essentials? Here they are: In case you've ever wondered about the question of 'how long can you survive on two and a half hours sleep a night before you start to feel Really … Continue reading New Things