New worlds, old stars and red lipstick: some advice on being a woman, for my daughter

Little girl, you sleep. I wanted a girl desperately, and you came like a song in the night. That’s a true thing - but in person you are less melodious. Squawky, hungry, passionately attached to us. You take up all your allotted space and more, and I am quietly proud of you for it. There … Continue reading New worlds, old stars and red lipstick: some advice on being a woman, for my daughter

Let it grow

This week, a surprise: my rose plant bloomed. Three, four, five pink rose heads, heavy and scented on spindly stems, unfurled themselves within a couple of days. It's 'my' rose plant because I bought it and planted it last year, but that's about where my involvement ended. We haven't even trimmed it, let alone fed … Continue reading Let it grow

It’s all coming back to me now

11pm. I'm sat in bed next to a baby I will need to wake up soon, eating a boat-sized slice of buttered toast. I don't know of any diet that recommends toast after 10pm, but I am trying to look after myself. And sometimes that looks like going to bed at 8.30, so I get … Continue reading It’s all coming back to me now

Another Birthday

All throughout this pregnancy, I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. When you want a final baby - and you conceive one - and you want a girl so deeply and painfully that you compulsively make light of it whenever anyone asks - and you get one - it starts to feel … Continue reading Another Birthday

Now take a deep breath

Teddy disappears as soon as we're through the doctor's door. I keep half an eye on his white-blonde head, bobbing around the pharmacy shelves, while I sign the form and pick up my latest flavour of tablets (this week: iron! For extra energy and black poo!). They'll go on the shelf with the daily aspirin, … Continue reading Now take a deep breath

Here Comes The Big Third

Here we go then, little love: the third trimester. The final stretch. I do wish it weren’t my beachball face doing so much of the stretching. It’s almost impossible now to take a selfie where my extra chins aren’t hogging the attention. But I am trying hard to let the weight irritation go, this time … Continue reading Here Comes The Big Third

Don’t worry, mama: the first day of school makes you cry for a reason

So anyway, that was the first week of school. H went back on Monday. My social media feeds have been full of kids going to school for the first time (and the accompanying parental meltdowns). It brought back last September for me in a great, vivid wave; I could almost taste it: the fear and … Continue reading Don’t worry, mama: the first day of school makes you cry for a reason

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to tell you this: it’s going to get better

If you are really struggling with tiny ones right now, please know this. I know you spend all your time wearing your children's snot and developing weird, Stockholm Syndrome crushes on Andy from CBeebies. I know that going to the supermarket feels like pushing a ticking bomb that will explode the first time you refuse … Continue reading We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to tell you this: it’s going to get better

It’s alright, don’t worry: I’m just going through a phase

I'm here! (This is me breaking the log-jam that is two weeks without writing a word, by writing anything. Here's the anything.) Everyone tells you that children go through phases, and from my vast sample size of two, I can tell you that it's true. I mean, I don't know how useful it is to … Continue reading It’s alright, don’t worry: I’m just going through a phase

Let’s kick our inner smug mums to the kerb this summer

Some rambly first-draft thoughts I have been mulling over. Let me know what you think.  Let's talk about Utah. Let's talk about Utah and mothers being real. Not that the two are connected, particularly - or perhaps they are, but I'm not someone qualified to talk about it. I mean that, while we spent a … Continue reading Let’s kick our inner smug mums to the kerb this summer