Tag Archives: Keira Knightley

What Love Actually says about you


Last night I was snivelling over the end of Love Actually, because every Christmas season needs to involve snivelling over Love Actually, when Tim came in from work. He looked over my shoulder to see Colin Firth proposing to his Portuguese housekeeper in a crowded restaurant.

‘That’s my favourite storyline in this film’, he said.

I was surprised. I don’t know why. I suppose that I assume everyone’s favourite storyline involves Hugh Grant shaking his backside in 10 Downing Street. But, you know what, it is totally right that Tim goes for the Colin Firth. That strand is about a quiet, unassuming chap following his heart through a series of embarrassing encounters. It is low-key (at least until the big finish), but sweetly romantic. So it fits him.

Then suddenly, I had a GRAND THEORY. What if everyone’s favourite Love Actually storyline told you exactly what kind of person they were? And immediately I knew without a shadow of a doubt and with every fibre of my being that this theory was true, and would probably end up bringing about world peace, at least. Where do you fit in? Read on…

the Hugh Grant and Martine McCutcheon thread

hugh grant

if the chirpy-Cockney-sparrer-meets-Prime-Minister thread is your favourite, you are probably so English they could cut you open and find bourbon biscuits. You like stammery, understated British humour, and cheer during the Harry Potter speech where he sticks it to the US President. You are a sucker for a mismatched love story with a happy ending. You would pay to watch Hugh Grant doing that bottom-shaking victory dance on a loop. You are astonished by how good Martine McCutcheon looks in red.

the Keira Knightley and Andrew Lincoln thread

keira knightley

if the best-friend-loves-hopelessly-from-afar thread is your favourite, then picture postcard romance and grand gestures set your heart aflutter. You have paused, screen-capped and retweeted the scene where Andrew Lincoln holds up the placard saying ‘To me, you are perfect’. Its loveliness is such that you don’t even mind that a skateboard is better at delivering lines than Andrew Lincoln. You desperately want someone to arrange a secret orchestra to attend your wedding. In other news, you have genuine designs on Keira’s glorious pink London house.

the Colin Firth and Portuguese girl thread

colin firth

if the awkward-broken-hearted-writer-falls-for-awkward-Portuguese-girl thread is your favourite, you like to see the quiet guy getting the girl for a change. You are probably an understated sort of person yourself, so you understand the agonies that accompany social embarrassment, and never being able to communicate the right thing. You like the thought of looking for love in unexpected places. You think you could cut quite a dash in a roll-neck jumper, actually.

the Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson thread

emma thompson

if the middle-aged-husband-tempted-away-from-middle-aged-wife thread is your favourite, you recognise that Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson are the best things on any screen, and watching them together is worth getting your heart broken. You know that not all stories end happily. That Joni Mitchell song makes you cry. The moment where Emma Thompson hugs Hugh Grant makes you cry. Her speech about making a fool out of the life she leads makes you cry too. On reflection, you might be a sadist. But damn, you’d watch Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson selling vacuum bags, and call it a good afternoon.

the Liam Neeson and cute little boy thread

liam neeson

if the bereaved-man-helps-stepson-find-love thread is your favourite, you might have a soft spot usually indulged by weeping at films where the dog dies at the end. You are eternally optimistic that grand tragedies can turn into happy endings, possibly involving Claudia Schiffer. You can’t refuse anything to a tiny moppet with big eyes. You have always, always wanted an airport declaration scene to happen to you. You find it slightly odd that Liam Neeson’s Irish accent sounds weird, especially since he’s IRISH.

the Laura Linney thread

laura linney

if the selfless-woman-sabotages-own-love-life-for-ill-brother thread is your favourite, you might have a keen sense of family ties. You are probably used to putting yourself aside for the responsibilities you owe to others. You love to watch a good awkward first date. You’ve been known to knock out a secret happy dance or two. That ring tone now makes you tear up a bit.

the Bill Nighy thread

bill nighy

if the washed-up-bad-grandad-gets-number-one-hit thread is your favourite, you like an old person who isn’t afraid of an f-word. You like your comedy broad and a bit saucy. You don’t think you’ll ever unburn the image of a naked Bill Nighy from your retinas, but you still think he can do no wrong (he can’t. The end).

the Martin Freeman is naked thread

martin freeman

if the naked-body-doubles thread is your favourite, you don’t blush easily (I do – Tim made me a version of the film without this thread in it. Shh, don’t tell Working Title).

the Kris Marshall and the American girls thread

kris marshall

if the bumbling-fool-proves-irresistible-to-American-babes thread is your favourite, you might be an idiot. Or you might really like those BT ads. That’s all.

Remember kids, love actually IS all around. Now go and watch it again. 

What do you think? Did I get it right? Are we going to cure cancer with this thing, or what? 

UPDATED BECAUSE: I forgot to say – I’m an Alan Rickman/Emma Thompson person. Did you guess? 

Reasons to be cheerful: the five films that will make your (rest of) year

I was hanging up some laundry. Henry was ‘helping’. When hanging up laundry, it’s important that someone in the team takes on the role of chewing washing machine tablets, and Henry is my guy.

Oh my good golly, I thought. (I do think like this; blame Enid Blyton.)

I have not set foot outside this house for three days.

I froze. I had to sit down. Henry took advantage of my inattention to dive headfirst into the washing machine.

Know what I’ve been doing instead? Well, washing up, tidying, supervising naps and persuading reluctant scrambled eggs into Henry’s reluctant mouth, since you ask.

But also: watching film trailers. You guys, the rest of 2012 is an embarrassment of riches. Here are the five I’m most excited about, in date order – get out your filofax.

1) The Dark Knight Rises: 20th July

Christopher Nolan’s third and – supposedly – final foray into a Batman so broody even his helmet looks sad.

Expect: Christian Bale’s Silent Heartache Face (TM), face masks for everyone, lots of stuff blowing up.

2) Anna Karenina: 7th September

I love a good emotional literary adaptation. This one being especially welcome, because it means I won’t have to get to the end of Tolstoy’s original.

Expect: Keira Knightley’s Period Drama Jaw (TM), flouncy dresses, and the campest Russian moustache since Czar Nicholas the Second.

3) Skyfall: 26th October

Bond, James Bond etc, still working off his heartache by shooting guns, crashing cars and wearing dinner jackets LIKE A BOSS.

Expect: Daniel Craig. Looking craggy. Growing an Anger Beard. Shooting people. Jacking it all in and going on holiday to Marbella. No, I jest. Shooting people some more.

4) The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: 14th December

It’s over a decade since Peter Jackson’s Middle Earth first came to the screen (no, really – argh), and he felt he hadn’t really mined the dwarf beard for its full potential. Hence, the Hobbit, Part 1.

Expect: hobbits and trolls and dwarves and dragons. Martin Freeman’s Face of Gentle Bewilderment (TM). And beards. Many beards.

5) The Great Gatsby: 26th December

F. Scott Fitzgerald’s masterpiece in Baz Luhrmann glitter. Leonardo Di Caprio, Toby Maguire, Carey Mulligan, twenties outfits…if this doesn’t make your Christmas, you need a Ghost from Christmas Past.

Expect: music, lights, lots of good actors dressed up like they’re attending Elton John’s christening party. And pure fabulousness, that too.

With the new Les Miserables adaptation – Russell Crowe! Singing, probably! – and Quentin Tarantino’s western effort Django Unchained both following in January, you have every reason to love your life and everything in it for the next six months.

Um. We’ll be looking for babysitters, if anyone’s offering.

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