Small parks

We drove back towards town and I told them we'd find a playground. Nursery visits are necessary things, but not much fun for either of them: look at all these children and new toys! Nah, just kidding, let's go. We've been doing it all week, and we've still got some to go, and we're tired. … Continue reading Small parks

Perfect fifth

Teddy was born with his feet splayed outwards, and immediately proved me a liar. I'm the sort of person who tells stories because they feel true, and then afterwards realises they're not true at all. Here’s one of my accidentally invented stories: my feet point outwards because I spent my childhood in ballet class. Not true, since … Continue reading Perfect fifth

How I learned to stop worrying and love the f-word

Today is voting day for the European elections in the UK. We'll be heading down to the polling station as soon as we find the cards they send through that we always manage to lose two days before the election. Politics is not perfect. It's not even, often, very good. But thanks to the great-grandmothers … Continue reading How I learned to stop worrying and love the f-word

Hatchet job

This is the story of a disaster. Do you ever get so stressed you do something really, really stupid? I do. Normally my version of stupid looks like five doughnuts and a chocolate biscuit. Today I took a pair of paper scissors to my fringe and chopped it till I felt better. Then, somewhat predictably, … Continue reading Hatchet job

The glory of womanhood; or, eighteen things men can’t understand even when they try

Very rigid gender stereotypes are not my thing. Men can paint their nails; they can have a deep and spiritual relationship with chocolate; they can cry over The Notebook. (Likewise, plenty of women don't do any of those.) I think 'men are from Mars' articles are generally lazy and annoying, and we should all just … Continue reading The glory of womanhood; or, eighteen things men can’t understand even when they try

My body is amazing

That's what I've been making Henry repeat over and over around the house lately. You can do that with two-year-olds. Mostly I do it for my own amusement, but this time I mean it. 'Your body is...?' I prompt, helpfully. 'Amaaaaazing!' he chips in. With jazz hands. He runs, he jumps, he stands on one … Continue reading My body is amazing

Five ways to throw yourself a thank you party and mean it

Big news! Next year I am thirty, and I'm preparing for it with a grapefruit scented face wipe. By rights the Big Three should set off all sorts of anxieties and crises. It might, yet. But I thought it might be nice to spend the year leading up it trying hard to take care of … Continue reading Five ways to throw yourself a thank you party and mean it

Off the wagon: some thoughts for 2014

I downloaded a new to-do list app. One of the great quests of my life is to find the perfect to-do list app, one with colours and sections and the perfect cathartic scribble. This new one isn't my life partner, but I rather like it on my home screen, because it's called 'Do!' It makes … Continue reading Off the wagon: some thoughts for 2014

To my sons: if I catch you treating a girl like a princess, I will break your kneecaps

My friend Megan Conley was in a library the other week, and overheard a horrific conversation between a couple on a first date. Well. We've all had our share of cringe-worthy first dates, of course (unless you're me, in which case you've had your share of no dates at all). But this one, oh, this … Continue reading To my sons: if I catch you treating a girl like a princess, I will break your kneecaps

Eight pounds

Eight pounds, eight pounds, eight pounds. It's all I can think of at the minute. Eight pounds is how much heavier I am than before I was pregnant. Teddy is outside now, and chunking up nicely, but I still have the weight of an average-sized baby slapped on my thighs, belly and all the other … Continue reading Eight pounds