Another Birthday

All throughout this pregnancy, I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. When you want a final baby - and you conceive one - and you want a girl so deeply and painfully that you compulsively make light of it whenever anyone asks - and you get one - it starts to feel … Continue reading Another Birthday

Now take a deep breath

Teddy disappears as soon as we're through the doctor's door. I keep half an eye on his white-blonde head, bobbing around the pharmacy shelves, while I sign the form and pick up my latest flavour of tablets (this week: iron! For extra energy and black poo!). They'll go on the shelf with the daily aspirin, … Continue reading Now take a deep breath

Here Comes The Big Third

Here we go then, little love: the third trimester. The final stretch. I do wish it weren’t my beachball face doing so much of the stretching. It’s almost impossible now to take a selfie where my extra chins aren’t hogging the attention. But I am trying hard to let the weight irritation go, this time … Continue reading Here Comes The Big Third

2016: the things underneath

I know, I think this might be the latest I've ever posted one of these. And I was just going to leave it - it feels irrelevant to relive 2016 halfway through January, not to say depressing - but I was surprised: it cheered me right up. Looking through all our photos, remembering the small, lovely … Continue reading 2016: the things underneath

Notes from the Trenches: 9

One of my favourite things about these Notes from the Trenches posts - aside from the fact that I think a good bit of unfiltered honesty makes all of us feel a little less insane - is that when I look through my last six months of frantic text messages, I can see how much … Continue reading Notes from the Trenches: 9

What does Father Christmas eat for breakfast? Weeto-ho-hos. (Sorry.)

Forget personality types - this is all I want to know right now: are you a short-and-sweet Christmas person, or a tree-up-in-November person? Mostly I like to keep my Christmas in December. I think it's more magical when it's extra-concentrated. Like condensed milk straight from the tin (YES). That is, until we got an invitation … Continue reading What does Father Christmas eat for breakfast? Weeto-ho-hos. (Sorry.)

Angry mummy: Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

Tim is away for a fortnight. It's the longest he's ever been gone. The night before he went, I admitted I was nervous. 'It's not that I can't handle it', I told him. 'I can. We will be fine. It's just I've never done solo parenting for so long with two children AND a pregnancy. … Continue reading Angry mummy: Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

October, you beauty

Hello. Here I am, which is unusual enough, because whenever I have a spare hour and have to decide between Lying Still or Anything Else, the Lying Still tends to win. It's frustrating having to slow down, especially now the sickness has gone (whee!). I like to get on. I keep having to remember not … Continue reading October, you beauty

Chicken, and all my other love stories

When I want to give them Sunday, I give them roast dinner. Food is my love language; it’s the tongue I speak with most feeling. I remember bleary bouts of flu as a child, interrupted with lunch trays of velvety rich Heinz tomato soup, buttered crumpets cut into tiny triangles, webs of melted cheese skittering … Continue reading Chicken, and all my other love stories

Take three

I cried when I saw the little cross on the pregnancy test. I always do cry, because all those things you've signed up for nebulously, ambiguously, in your head, are now out of your head and busy turning into a blastocyst in your actual body. Suddenly they're all definitely going to happen. Doesn't matter how much … Continue reading Take three