That time a McDonalds addict counted calories for a summer and did not die

Imagine this. (Not the eggs, this:) 1. You are in a state of pudginess not far enough advanced to embrace your identity as an curvy moon goddess, but just enough to make you bulge out of all your clothes. You are tired. You are thirty. You wish to fit inside things without the constant risk … Continue reading That time a McDonalds addict counted calories for a summer and did not die

Notes from the trenches: 7

'You'll miss this when it's gone!' people tell me. I like to remember this when I'm watching the slow seep of faeces under my fingernails, or engaged in a full-body wrestle with a boy and a supermarket trolley ('Bend your legs. BEND THEM. BEND. YOUR. LEGS'). Then I do a hollow laugh, likely as not. … Continue reading Notes from the trenches: 7

Dear boy: you can be unpretty here

Some clichés about life with children just turn out to be true. It's almost disappointing how predictable you are. That hilarious obsession with your first child's milestones, followed by a wry detached affection for the progression of your second? Tick that box. The fact that you will get fat on leftover pizza crusts if you're … Continue reading Dear boy: you can be unpretty here

Old friends. Bookends.

We spent our Saturday at the gorgeous wedding of my gorgeous friend. She is an old friend in the sense that we've known each other for over a decade, though also in the sense that one of us, at least, is much wrinklier than when we met. (It's me.) It was the most beautiful wedding. … Continue reading Old friends. Bookends.

Inappropriate places I have peed in: a four-year-old’s guide to raising mum’s blood pressure

Every mother has their weak spot. Something about living with and caring for small children that makes them certifiable, out of all proportion to the offence. This is mine: pee. The waft of gently warmed underwear dribble. The need to find and queue for and visit public toilets, everywhere, every flipping day. I would burn … Continue reading Inappropriate places I have peed in: a four-year-old’s guide to raising mum’s blood pressure

Hello to all that (on first days at school)

This is it. Don't get scared now. I was going to write about sending H off to school as though it were an ending. In lots of ways, it is to me. Our longest, toughest (? maybe?) shift together is done. No more nappies, night feeds, rhyme times at the library. No more chopping grapes in half … Continue reading Hello to all that (on first days at school)

Toddlers, tents and big open skies

I write this while the boys are in the bath. A bath! No one is overbalancing into a puddle of muddy water, or shrieking about having their nappy removed in a strange cold cubicle, or opening the door to a crowd of curious onlookers while you struggle blindly into your underwear. WOT LARKS. We are … Continue reading Toddlers, tents and big open skies