There I stood, hovering in front of the Tesco trolleys in a corner I’m sure they’ve designed as a wind tunnel, rummaging through my handbag for a pound coin. Because I never have one, do I? My pound coins go on apple pies from McDonald’s and as many caramel Freddos as I can stuff in a fist. I had a faint hope that there might be one lurking at the bottom of my bag, so screwed up my courage and dug in, all careless about my fingers. I haven’t seen the bottom of my handbag for some time, and I’m a little afraid of it. I’d like to say that motherhood has changed me, but actually it just made me messy in a different way.
Here’s what’s in my handbag, right at the moment:
Extra card wallet for my library of points cards, since I live in eternal hope of gathering together enough points for a free Freddo
A chewing gum packet with one piece left
Face powder, because I get shiny-stressed when I run out of hands (which is always)
Four different brands of red lipstick, none of which I’m wearing
A bottle of body butter, which is being used as heavy-duty hand cream (for my too-many-baths-and-washing-up leprosy hands)
Some hand sanitiser, because I had to confiscate it after Henry necked a good inch and a half from the top (no ill effects)
A dummy, which Teddy hasn’t wanted for several months
Some lip balm
A green crayon
A baby spoon, clean I think
An old Tesco receipt on which, apparently, I only bought custard (a bad day, obviously)
A shell from Brighton beach
Some headache tablets (ooh!)
A padlock for my gym locker, gathering dust
Two hair bobbles and a hair grip
A glue stick I have never seen before (?!)
1/10 of a rice cake, the same colour as a chilli-flavoured one (but it was salt and vinegar, so…)
A set of dangly earrings, from the last time I got tired of Teds using them for trapeze practice
A piece of discarded Freddo wrapper
A ticket from the Paris Metro (sob!) plus a piece of paper saying ‘you are fabulous’, from a friend (sobbier!)
The heart-shaped stone Tim’s dad brought for us the day Henry was born. Yes, Henry.
Did I mention I bought a tiny handbag on purpose, because I wanted to downsize? I did.
I did not, of course, find a pound coin.
Ok, confession time: what’s the weirdest thing in your handbag right now? No cheating! I feel like mine was the glue stick, though I’m open to suggestions.