To my sons: if I catch you treating a girl like a princess, I will break your kneecaps

My friend Megan Conley was in a library the other week, and overheard a horrific conversation between a couple on a first date. Well. We've all had our share of cringe-worthy first dates, of course (unless you're me, in which case you've had your share of no dates at all). But this one, oh, this … Continue reading To my sons: if I catch you treating a girl like a princess, I will break your kneecaps

A note for Christmas Eve

Christmas is coming! We have TWO turkeys marinating in something top- secret, and today is the day the Big Traditions come out: joke stocking presents, the Feliz Navidad dance, the ritual watching of Home Alone, and that point at dinner time when we go for a Chinese buffet in Christmas pyjamas (when did this become … Continue reading A note for Christmas Eve

Extracts from a travel diary

17th December, Heathrow Airport We've just come through security and collapsed in front of a Costa. The gentleman next to me smiles, but nevertheless departs so quickly for his plane he leaves a flurry of five pound notes, which we find fifteen minutes later. I have this brilliant idea to give the money to the people at Costa, to pay … Continue reading Extracts from a travel diary

Song of the South

Four o' clock in the morning, and I'm sat in my mum's living room with a very awake Teddy. Apparently the one infallible way to get out of jet lag is to fast for sixteen hours before the start of your new day. But you can't starve out a baby, even one as squishy as this one, … Continue reading Song of the South

Merry bloomin’ Christmas!

Welcome to the busiest day of the year! And GREAT SCOTT am I enjoying the fact that Teddy woke up every two hours last night. After a month of six-hour sleeps. This is the sort of exquisite timing that leads to me stuffing handfuls of Milky Bar buttons in my mouth while showering, and thinking … Continue reading Merry bloomin’ Christmas!

If I were Katniss Everdeen, my day would sound like this

This week I reread The Hunger Games trilogy. In two-and-a-half days. And here's an interesting discovery: you can't swallow fourteen hundred pages that fast without starting to feel like you're the heroine in a book written by Suzanne Collins. Which makes you all present tense, short sentences, heavy on the drama, heavy on the eyebrows … Continue reading If I were Katniss Everdeen, my day would sound like this

The Twits

We interrupt this radio silence to announce that it is only ONE WEEK till we wrestle two very small children across the Atlantic for Christmas, and hurrah, not even one of us is now being sick. I have hopes that this means more ideas for blog posts in the near future. Because today I cleaned … Continue reading The Twits

What Love Actually says about you

Last night I was snivelling over the end of Love Actually, because every Christmas season needs to involve snivelling over Love Actually, when Tim came in from work. He looked over my shoulder to see Colin Firth proposing to his Portuguese housekeeper in a crowded restaurant.'That's my favourite storyline in this film', he said.I was … Continue reading What Love Actually says about you

Welcome back, Year in Instagram!

Dear friends, may I speak freely here? I am going into this Christmas season twitchy with anxiety. There are too many bodily fluids escaping over my floor and not enough eating. Our house is getting smaller the longer we stay inside, and the thinner and paler Henry gets, the more I fantasize about just parking … Continue reading Welcome back, Year in Instagram!

The bear and the hare

Today the house is our winter cave. We are woolly-socked, hiding under duvets, shutting out the unforgiving sky and scalping wind. This morning, stripping the hare down yet again so I could hose him off, change his sheets and frankly burn those pyjamas, I decided that the only way to keep him germ-free was to … Continue reading The bear and the hare