I highly doubt I’ll manage to continue at this high rate of bloggy output for the whole 9 months. But while I have the inspiration (and a big pile of washing-up to put off for half an hour longer)…
A better day today, in that I wasn’t so morose, but a considerably worse one as far as toilet-floor-time went. I felt sick enough to throw up my entire cringing stomach from the moment I got up, and it never really went away. I ate every last thing in my lunchbox in an attempt to stave it off, but it only got worse, so I only proofread a page and a half at a time and kept nipping back out to dry-heave spectacularly (and as silently as possible) over numerous toilet bowls. I vaguely remember what having personal dignity is like, but officially have none left.
However. What I do have is lovely family. I stopped off after work for cake and hot chocolate with my mother-in-law, and went away feeling approximately ten thousand million times better. How delightful it is to have people who really do think you’re brilliant. Such a nice change from how I often feel about myself. It makes it so much easier to be kind and generous and forgiving and all those other things I’m not very good at. This is a good parent lesson to learn, I think: believe the best of your offspring, and they’ll generally choose not to disappoint you.
On the way home – much later than I usually drive, these days – I had to put on a musical soundtrack and do some truly outrageous expressive singing to keep myself pepped up. Oh, I emoted like a Broadway star. I brandished fists, I gestured, I sang so loudly and in so many registers that I lost my voice. This was tremendous fun, but unfortunately seemed to trigger my gag reflex. So all my grand posturing was punctuated throughout with more retching. I choose to believe that this gave my performance a certain emotional honesty, though I am glad it was too dark for anyone to see me.